You're damned if you try, you're damned if you don't..... I face the dilemma of my existence day in and day out.... Where does one go when life gets tricky? Do you run or do you stay?
My predicament is the following two choices....
Do not work - Stay at home and stay indefinitely on an ongoing insurance which is never enough to pay for all medical expenses and let my life waste away and feel worthless and to top it all of accumulate debts and never be able to do the things I love and fulfil my bucket list before the doctor waves the red flag and its too late.
OR
Work - Do I work in jobs that don't matter and earn money. By doing this day in and day and try to pay my debts and may be able to save enough money to do the things I love. The risk in this choice getting sick from exhaustion or infections and losing precious time that may never come back.
I question the purpose of my life every day and find no answers. Am I alone or are there many like me who seek answers to this puzzle every moment of their being. Why was I damned with this disease. Why did god give me a strong and intelligent mind when I can't put it in to use? What was the point of it all?
Live - Do I continue to live this life and wait till the end? Wait till the misery ends? Do I keep pushing myself to get up every morning and find a purpose of my existence? Do I try and fulfil my bucket list despite all odds? Do I live just because I can't hurt my family and friends by choosing otherwise?
OR
Not Live - Do I listen to my body and mind and let it rest in peace? Can I let go and just be happy with the life and moments I've I've shared with my loved ones? Is it acceptable to decide when you've had enough and can no longer take another step?
What do you do when you are in my position? I wish someone would swap lives with me for just a few moments so they can see the dilemma of my life and help me cross the bridge and come out on the other side.....
My predicament is the following two choices....
Do not work - Stay at home and stay indefinitely on an ongoing insurance which is never enough to pay for all medical expenses and let my life waste away and feel worthless and to top it all of accumulate debts and never be able to do the things I love and fulfil my bucket list before the doctor waves the red flag and its too late.
OR
Work - Do I work in jobs that don't matter and earn money. By doing this day in and day and try to pay my debts and may be able to save enough money to do the things I love. The risk in this choice getting sick from exhaustion or infections and losing precious time that may never come back.
I question the purpose of my life every day and find no answers. Am I alone or are there many like me who seek answers to this puzzle every moment of their being. Why was I damned with this disease. Why did god give me a strong and intelligent mind when I can't put it in to use? What was the point of it all?
Live - Do I continue to live this life and wait till the end? Wait till the misery ends? Do I keep pushing myself to get up every morning and find a purpose of my existence? Do I try and fulfil my bucket list despite all odds? Do I live just because I can't hurt my family and friends by choosing otherwise?
OR
Not Live - Do I listen to my body and mind and let it rest in peace? Can I let go and just be happy with the life and moments I've I've shared with my loved ones? Is it acceptable to decide when you've had enough and can no longer take another step?
What do you do when you are in my position? I wish someone would swap lives with me for just a few moments so they can see the dilemma of my life and help me cross the bridge and come out on the other side.....
